negative space

My heart isn’t heart-shaped, its a multi-cornered polygon

eliza — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 15:19:59 +0000

so the point of all this
is just to say
what I feel
and open the window
to the dank, dusty room of my heart
especially the corners
covered by curtains
that I thought i showed
and if I didn’t know about them,
you didn’t either
i like the way you walk
when you’re thinking about something I said

Pathetic: pitiable, or relating to the emotions

eliza — Sat, 09 Jan 2010 19:24:55 +0000

Cold air rushed in through the open door.
I locked up the door and bolted it with a thousand bolts.
I nailed it shut.
I sealed it in with glue.
And then I cut a small hole in the bottom and sat there next to the hole
with the air rushing in on my face
as I rocked back and forth with my hands wrapped around my knees.

A cloaking device or the wrong prescription

eliza — Sat, 09 Jan 2010 19:18:39 +0000

you did your best
I did my best
and now i am sad
does that mean its finished?
you employed your cloaking device
and I feel estranged
I am forced to neglect my communication
words, keeping my words at bay
because my expression isn’t reciprocated
or you’ll have to point out to me how you returned it
because I can’t see it
blind
I don’t have the right prescription
but I am willing to find it
If you will help
please help
because your smile is worth my eyestrain
and my lips are worth your speech

Heavens (minus Betsy)

eliza — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 16:41:29 +0000

Nothing makes one feel quite as strange and singular as unfamiliar cloud formations. I’m not going to pretend that the truth doesn’t hurt because in reality, it often does. I really felt enlightened when you delved into the criminal mindset.

Because we all need to be a little more like Drunk Ted

eliza — Sat, 02 Jan 2010 16:53:38 +0000

Have you read “Blink” by Malcolm Gladwell? I’m in the process of reading it. Its about how your split second decisions are often better or the same as your long, thoughtful decisions. So what’s all the hooplah about acting without thinking? Is it really all that bad? Probably to some extent. Now that I’ve watched Barnes and Noble spring to life, and now that my car is parked next to completely different cars than it was when I arrived, I think I ought to go. I made a new mix that I’d like to continue listening to. You know how when people aren’t looking at you so you study them out of the corner of your eye? Don’t you love when you catch someone eyeing you out of the corner of their eye? This guy was walking out of the bookstore with a coffee and just as he walked out I looked up and he was looking at me. He looked very shifty, because I caught him. Also, speaking of things that made me laugh today, I was sitting at the stoplight to get out of my neighborhood, and this vintage car drove by and I was checking it out and then another one drove by, and another one, and I didn’t notice the pattern for a few seconds. About 15 cars, different colors, same type of vintage-y style drove by, and I laughed. I don’t know why exactly it was laughable, but it was. I hope you caught my reference to my favorite show, How I Met Your Mother, by the way.

Sundress
Taking Control
Electric Feel
Combat Baby
Caring is Creepy
Baby I’m Yours
Dance Wiv Me
So Says I
Gold Guns Girls
Technicolor Eyes
Sh-Boom
What’s Left of the Flag
Rich
I’m Gonna Be
Burning Down the House
Best Rapper Alive
SexyBack
Phenomena
First Breath After a Coma

Right as Rain (this song is a good definition of me right now)

eliza — Sat, 02 Jan 2010 16:41:01 +0000

Who wants to be right as rain
It’s better
When something is wrong
You get excitement in your bones
And everything you do’s a game
When night comes
And you’re all on your own
You can say I chose to be alone
Who want to be right as rain
It’s harder when you’re on top

Cos’ when hard work
Don’t pay off
And I’m tired
There ain’t no room in my bed
As far as I’m concerned
So wipe that dirty smile off
We won’t be making up
I’ve cried my heart out
And now
I’ve had enough of love

Who wants to be riding high
When you’ll just crumble
Back on down
You give up everything you are
And even then you don’t get far
They make believe that everything
Is exactly what it seems
But at least
When your at your worst
You know how to feel things

See when hard work
Don’t pay off
And I’m tired
There ain’t no room in my bed
As far as I’m concerned
So wipe that dirty smile off
We won’t be making up
I’ve cried my heart out
And now
I’ve had enough of love

Go ahead and steal my heart
To make me cry again
Cos’ it will never hurt
As much as it did then
When we were both right
And no one had blame
But now I give up
On this endless game

Cos’ who wants
To be right as rain
It’s better
When something is wrong
I get excitement
In your bones
Even though
Everything’s a strain
When night comes
And I’m all on my own
You should know
I chose to be alone
So who want to be
Right as rain
It’s harder
When your on top

Not really a poem

eliza — Sat, 02 Jan 2010 16:35:06 +0000

Living on this sine wave gets very tiring after a while.
If a sine wave wasn’t already a graph, its graph would have asymptotes because you can never quite achieve what you want.
I guess I’m on a quest for equilibrium, then.
Which would come from God.
Quest over.
As long as life isn’t boring!
I like being surprised.
I like a mission.
And we like a little melancholy now and then, we moody creatives.
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. John 10:10

The Whale

eliza — Sat, 02 Jan 2010 16:22:27 +0000

Tie me to the mast, crew.
There is my weakness, singing to me from the rocky coastline.
Daring me to set things in motion that I won’t be able to stop.
But I’m so curious to see what will happen when I jump out of the boat and swim toward shore, to humor myself with testing a hypothesis almost sure to result in shipwreck.
I love the unpredictable. I fear it. I relish it.
I chase the whale.

The divide between patience and apathy has been broken

eliza — Sat, 02 Jan 2010 16:15:33 +0000

I contacted you through the technology.
I’m a silly girl.
Do you want me to be honest? That might be a bad idea.
I don’t think you could handle the truth.
You can’t even handle the halfway truth because if you could we wouldn’t be repeating the sequence that dissolved me.
But you’ll have to take it because that’s the only thing that can break the spell.
And I might break the spell so completely that everything stops spinning and the record scratches and the dust falls and the lights flicker.
For almost two years I was silent.
I was polite.
I made myself scarce to fit what I thought you wanted. Well I’m done with these stupid molds.
I don’t know what you want, and since I don’t, I won’t guess. I’ll ask you.
One of us is ready to talk. I can only speak for myself.
So I will.
What about passivity and Providence? Is there another line there?
If I act on my own, is that outside of Providence?
How do I make decisions, then?
More educated guesses?
No.
Communication. The goal is communication, not repeating.
And communication, by definition, would be the exact opposite of anything we’re used to doing.
Are you ready for a change?

eliza — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 15:24:17 +0000

note to self: be more surprising.